I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize