I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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