I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want her autograph on my taint
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
