Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
