Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
