you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
