Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come share oat with me in your robe
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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