When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
