Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
