i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
