I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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