I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Be still, my beating vagina.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
