sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
