There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
