THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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