I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize