i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
