Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
