I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My hand turned me down
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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