Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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