i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then my night got REAL pukey
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize