based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize