If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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