Too much gin, very little bucket
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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