she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
