I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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