I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
