Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
