It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
