You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
