dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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