I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
