I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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