I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
