he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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