All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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