a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
