This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
