so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
