i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
