I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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