How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
