John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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