You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
