thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
