Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
