whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
