I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
