At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
