just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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