Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I could teleport
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
