Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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