shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize