He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
