your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
