at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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