Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
