seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
