I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
