I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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