Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
