Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
