dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
