I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
