I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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