i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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